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July 11, 2006

Next on Showcase... Paul Jackson for Premier

Today's column may be Paul Jackson's finest hour. It wants for a spectacular one-liner, but it's probably the one I'd print out and frame as the best work of one of this country's greatest nutbar columnists.

The premise: Despite his previous assurances that Harper will be Prime Minister for 25 years or so, Jackson is now worried that "we'll be handing Canada back to the Liberals" if the Prime Minister doesn't start dressing better:

… I am becoming open to my political friends' urgings to set up a special fund for Stephen, for it is to buy him a couple of expensively tailored, embroidered cowboy suits and highly polished cowboy boots.

Perhaps I'll have to return to Ottawa to shake up the PMO.

("Laureen honey, when you get a second, would you mind releasing the hounds?")

Jacko then paints himself as kingmaker:

Several years ago New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was in Calgary.

Harper was then head of the Canadian Alliance, and leader of the Opposition. Yet, glancing at the head table list, his name was ominously missing. Clark, the utter failure of a PM-- was on the head table list instead.

Furious, I went searching for Stephen and his entourage. Harper was standing all alone, with no aides. He should have had several aides armed with Polaroids squiring him around, introducing him to hundreds of guests and asking if they would like to be photographed with the next PM.

To save the day, I led him through the halls, introducing him to as many as I could.

I'd love to hear Harper's version of events.

And then, from his basement apartment, he reveals the extent to which the CPC depends on him financially:

Now, with increasing frequently, I receive letters from the Conservative Party of Canada proclaiming I [sic] as one of its most generous donors, so would I pony up another $100.

Cripes, Harper's proposed legislation limiting donations to $1,000 in any given year is going to save me a stack of money, and party headquarters a lot of dough in postage.

I'm just going to come out and say it: Jackson has done everything he possibly can in journalism. It's time he ran for office — any office — and I've got a 20 burning a hole in my pocket to get his campaign going. He can bankroll the rest with Canada's greatest-ever reality show.

Posted by Chris Selley at July 11, 2006 10:33 PM

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Yes yes yes! Just when you think he's hit his zenith, he pushes it up a notch! This man is a phenomenon! I'll see your $20 and raise you $40, let's get this campaign underway. It's what the world needs now.

Posted by: Matt McIntosh at July 11, 2006 10:38 PM

That's seriously priceless. I see your $20, I see Matt's $40, I raise you both $60. I'm in.

(Somehow, I didn't know Paul Jackson til you introduced him to me - he really is a national treasure.)

Posted by: Jason at July 12, 2006 10:50 AM

Wacko Jacko II wants to raise funds for the prime minister's wardrobe? Wouldn't that look good to the rest of the world that in our financially successful country the prime minister has to have a charity drive for his clothing?

Perhaps we could raise funds to cover a salary for a decent (more sane) journalist for the Calgary Sun.

Posted by: Sandi at July 21, 2006 01:12 PM

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