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August 31, 2006
And the winner is...
Every now and again I get an outraged e-mail on the topic of this piece of world-weary juvenilia, which appeared in a long-defunct attempt at a humour magazine called The Grandstand. The best ever response, from somone called jane jay, arrived today:
hi just read your blog
as the title suggests i have read your blog you seem to have an unhealthy view of my home city Sheffield UK if you dont remember one thing you got right was the fact that naseem hamed is a dick head the rest seems to be the ravings of an uneducated yank this is not your fault as most of your fellow countrymen seem to know absolutly loads about nothing, and nothing about loads, your education system teaches you to butcher the english language (was colour too hard to spell with the u) 260 million people in the usa and you elect a former drunk who before he came to be president had only left the united states 2 both on junkets with his father then the president. instead of someone who actually know what the terrors of war are.
if indeed you are a yank then look at your own country, a country that when hurricane katrina hit used the military to gaurd white people's homes that wern't flooded instead of saving black people who were drowning
i'll leave you with this thought
when noah was on the ark on the 40th day the animal shit was piling up, so he and his sons threw it all overboard and in 1492 columbus discovered it
I think that officially makes it a contest. I've got 10 quid towards moving expenses for anyone else from Sheffield, that unbelievable piece of shit of a city, who wants to try to top ms. jay's response. (The "if indeed you are a yank" part is going to be tought to beat, given that I'm not, and given that it comes after that peerless rant that assumes I am. Good luck to you all.)
Posted by Chris Selley at August 31, 2006 09:28 PM
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Comments
Even better. The dumbass who sent you the email proudly posted it on The Sheffield Forum.
http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/
Look under General Sheffield Chat, the Someone doesn't like us thread. Somebody calling themselves KJ_VENOM.
Posted by: If God was going to give the world an enema, Sheffield is where he'd stick the hose at September 1, 2006 05:16 AM
I had no idea you were so terrifically funny. Your Knight Rider scripts (I presume the name on them is a pseudonym) are sensational, and your Travelogue of Worst Places is really brilliant. You should honestly look into publishing a book of Worst Places - you're a considerable talent in humour, and I really believe it could do quite well.
Posted by: Jason B. Green at September 1, 2006 07:48 PM
Making fun of someone because they mistook you for a Yank... that kind of low humour is so typical of you Australians.
Posted by: Brian ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tartcider.com/blog/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 2, 2006 01:45 PM
American, Canadian, what's the difference? :-P
Posted by: Roland E Oderant at September 3, 2006 07:40 AM
- and I'd like to add that most people on the Sheffield Forum think your Sheffield satire is pretty funny. Apart from the bit about the Hillsborough disaster, which is distasteful and intentionally hurtful. That cheapens an otherwise-amusing piece.
I'll pass on the £10 offer though, please save it for your tourism publicity campaigns or something... :-D
Posted by: If God gave the world an enema, what came out would be Canada at September 3, 2006 07:53 AM