Wayne Gretzky on the Phoenix Coyotes vs. Jim Balsillie: “Hopefully we can find a resolution that makes everyone happy.”

Somehow I’m guessing Janet resolves most of the family disputes.

“Argh!” exclaimed Chris McGreal, the Guardian’s Washington correspondent. “I’m, like, one line short!”

He continued, close to pulling his hair out: “Hmm. Urgh. Cripes! What the hell do I know about some seal-slaughtering Canadian vice-regal? I’m the Washington correspondent! Don’t I have better things to do?”

Finally, he exclaimed, “oh, sod it,” and filed this:

Jean, who as governor general is also chief scout of Canada, said the practices were part of a way of life.

And I’m glad that he did, because it really made me laugh.

Y’all know those telephone patch cord thingies that live between your telephone’s handset and its base, with the little cord coming out of it that you plug into your recorder? Mine broke, as mine always do. So I strode purposefully into The Source by Circuit City, armed with the lifetime replacement warranty I’d purchased on the thing, knowing it would break, only to find they don’t make them, or indeed anything comparable, anymore.

Okay, I thought. This can’t be too much of an emergency in our global economy, can it? So I hunted around for an online Canadian source for the item. Nothing. I discovered to my delight that Radio Shack still makes them in the U.S. But they don’t ship to Canada. Fine, I thought. I’ll have it shipped to a friend somewhere in the U.S. and have him or her forward it on to me. Except Radio Shack won’t even let you pay with an un-American credit card!

Alright, I thought, let’s get serious. Ebay will save me. And indeed, I found and ordered a similar-looking device from a vendor in Mississippi, which arrived, but which does not work in the slightest. I might as well put a potato between the handset and the base as this doodad. Indeed, I’m confident it would produce less static.

This is ridiculous; it’s 2009, for heaven’s sake! I’d really prefer not to have to go to Niagara Falls to get one of these stupid things, but desperation is setting in. Any thoughts anyone has on alternative devices, or alternative sources for the traditional device, are extremely welcome. Failing that, anyone who wants one of these things, let me know and I’ll pick one up for you. Evidence suggests they might not be around much longer, which is about as indicative of the decline of journalism as any other phenomenon I can think of.

Says Pierre McGuire: “You see [Tim Thomas] without his clothes on, you say, ‘there’s no way he’s a professional athlete.’”

An awkward silence ensues between he and Gord Miller.

Gardiner chaos averted

Others, from history:

Apollo 13 astronauts splash down safely

Millions of New Yorkers safe after airborne terrorist attacks