Precious blood. Precious, delicious blood.
 

Founder

  

Charles Taze Russell, who abandoned Adventism after Christ missed the bus to earth that fateful Tuesday.
World Headquarters Brooklyn, NY
Congregations 93,154
Door-to-door evangelism? Only while you're eating.
Famous observers Tennis fembots Venus and Serena Williams; "comedians" the Wayans Brothers; ghoulish, child molesting Zombie-King of Pop Michael Jackson and family.
Chicks/dudes

Premarital sex doesn't seem to be an obsession. Divorce is bad news, except in extreme situations.

Contraception Anything you want, babe. Anything you want.
Alcohol Fine, just as long as you don't get drunk.
Homosexuality No good.
Abortion "Life begins at conception," based on the following passage, whatever the fuck it means: "If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit departs from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life" (Exodus 21:22-23). We don't like the sound of that last part.
Afterlife There's no hell, but only 144,000 people will be admitted to heaven — not surprisingly, all will be Jehovah's Witnesses.
Ease of sin forgiveness (1-10, 10 being easiest) 8.6; 9.8 for child molesters.
Peculiarities If you're bleeding to death, you're dead; blood transfusions are verboten. Adherents cannot vote, join the military, smoke, or pledge allegiance to any flag.