The University of Sheffield webcam.

 
Separated from the better-known and only slightly less revolting horrors of Manchester by a denuded stretch of soot-covered mooscape only the British could deem worthy of a national park, Sheffield dukes it out with Birmingham, Leeds, Liverpool and numerous other urban centres for the title of "Armpit of the North."

 

approximately 500,000

 
Genius comedian Michael Palin
Nine-armed hair band Def Leppard
Spastic soul man Joe Cocker
Quatregenarian Britpoppers Pulp
Middling novelist Margaret Drabble
Annoying featherweight pugilist Prince Naseem Hamed
 
Cutlery production
Europe's highest industrial city, affording quicker access to the welcome gamble of the afterlife
Abandoned gas works passed as bombed-out Vietnamese City in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket
World's longest lasting rainbow, recorded from 9am-3pm on March 14, 1994, concurrently with South Yorkshire's longest recorded rainless period
The Full Monty, a film about how hard it is to be happy in England
"Europe's largest artificial ski resort." Claim is roughly analogous to Saskatoon claiming "the largest curling rink in the Americas"
Hillsborough soccer disaster

 

An unidentified man contemplates suicide while angling at a lifeless Sheffield pond.

 

None of any significance. Claims to be Britain's greenest city, and to have quadruple the number of trees as people. An obvious fabrication: there are fewer than one million trees on the British Isles. Quickly. Flights go to London and Dublin; mainline trains will, barring derailment, collision or massive delay, whisk you south towards London and (recommended) Paris. By car, head west around Manchester to Liverpool harbour, whence a boat will transport you to Ireland and sweet serenity. Extreme. Residents seem to suffer from a misguided sense of civic pride (e.g. "we have lots of trees!"), and would no doubt claim their city far superior to the many surrounding it.

 

Next to its seaside resorts and its mixed-race communities, leisure centres (Hillsborough Leisure Centre, pictured) are the worst places in England. Salient features include waterslides, video games, deep-fried foods and the faint but pervasive odour of vomit.
 

Sheffield youth: abandoned quite some time ago. The Malin Bridge tram transports downtrodden locals and horrified visitors towards the relative beauty of the suburbs. Sheffield's hottest nightspot.