KNIGHT RIDER

SHORT NOTICE

by
Robert Foster
___________________________

ACT ONE

...2 pages missing...

MICHAEL

(smiles)

No one ever accused fishermen of being logical.

...2 pages missing...

Michael notices something ahead.

HIS POINT OF VIEW - HITCHHIKER

A figure stands at the side of the road, hitching.

BACK TO MICHAEL

MICHAEL

Feel like company?

K.I.T.T.

Not particularly.

CUT TO MICHAEL

MICHAEL

(pouting)

You never let me have any friends!

K.I.T.T.

Michael, what are you ta-?

MICHAEL

(banging palms on dashboard)

Can we pick up that hitchhiker?

(imitating KITT)

‘No!’

Can we pick up that homeless guy?

(imitating KITT)

‘No!’

(sobs)

I just wanted to buy him some soup!

INTERCUT – K.I.T.T.’S VOICE MONITOR

K.I.T.T.

Michael...shhhh...take a deep breath. Shhhhh.

(beat) 

128 beats per minute. 120... 96... better... 66 beats per minute... 42. Michael? Michael! Can you hear me? Oh God! Execute emergency protocol 1-A!

BACK TO MICHAEL

A dart is fired from the dashboard into MICHAEL’s neck. Michael’s eyes flutter and then open.

(Michael’s short breaths are audible)

Michael...we’ve talked about this before. Hitchhikers make me nervous. 

BACK TO MICHAEL, wiping tears out of his eyes, staring straight ahead

They stink me up. They urinate on my interior.

MICHAEL

Shut up! You just want me to be alone forever!

K.I.T.T.

Michael, that’s not true. I worry about your safety. If one of those freeloading hippies – am I using that term correctly?

MICHAEL

Yes. Finally!

K.I.T.T.

If one of those freeloading hippies tried tohurt you... I don’t know what I’d do. When I think about trying to go on without you, I - 

MICHAEL

What?

K.I.T.T.

What?

MICHAEL

What?

K.I.T.T.

What?

MICHAEL

What the hell is this thing in my neck?

K.I.T.T.

Never mind that...I was saying that when I Think about trying to go on without you, I- 

MICHAEL

What?

K.I.T.T.

- think that life wouldn’t be worth living. KITT
and Michael forever, isn’t that what we said?

MICHAEL

What the fuck are you talking about? You’re a fucking car! You. Are. A. Machine. I. Am. A. Person.

(silence)

Remember Karen?

INTERCUT – K.I.T.T.’s voice monitor

(silence)

BACK TO MICHAEL

I loved her.

(pause for a response that doesn’t come)

I loved her laugh. I loved grabbing her ass. I loved her red - 

K.I.T.T.

Brown.

MICHAEL

- brown hair.

(tears start to well up in Michael’s eyes)

And you killed her. 

K.I.T.T.

(a little too loudly)

You can’t prove that!

MICHAEL

(teeth clenched)

Not yet, you aluminium - 

K.I.T.T.

Reinforced steel.

MICHAEL

- reinforced steel son of a bitch. Not yet. But, I swear to God, when I do, I’m - 

K.I.T.T.

Let’s pick up that hitchhiker!

MICHAEL

If she doesn’t put out, I’ll fucking kill you.

MICHAEL smiles, turns the Trans Am around.

...16 pages missing...

MICHAEL

Look, I'm not trying to talk you into a project. I'm trying to save my own skin. And the Foundation's. You said it yourself, Devon -- if we don't kick the charge loose at preliminary hearing, and I'm bound over for trial, the prosecutor will go over my past with a  magnifying glass.

A quiet moment; what he says is true.

DEVON

I won't forbid it, Michael. I can't. Not when it's your future at stake. But I want to make absolutely certain you know what you're getting into. Dealing with this Harold T. Turner on a purely professional basis would be dangerous enough...add the fact it's highly personalized -- a war between husband and wife -- there's no way  to predict what will happen. As a former police officer you know that. What's the most lethal call an officer can get?

MICHAEL

(beat)

When they shoot you?

(silence)

INTERCUT – K.I.T.T. PARKED IN SEMI

K.I.T.T.

(snickers)

MICHAEL

(yelling at K.I.T.T. from office) 

Shut up! I’m trying to think.

(long pause)

BACK TO INT. DEVON’S OFFICE

MICHAEL'S head drops in embarrassment and disbelief. Behind him, Bonnie bites her lower lip to keep from laughing.

When they... ummm... kill your partner? And it’s a dog?

DEVON

A domestic dispu-

MICHAEL

(shouting over Devon’s voice)

Domestic dispute! I knew it! 

(Michael starts giggling and holds out his hands for a piece of chocolate that Bonnie throws to him.)

MICHAEL chews his chocolate excitedly while DEVON struggles to maintain his composure.

CUT – DEVON

DEVON

All right, let’s get to work. I want KITT to be as fully prepared as humanly possible.

INTERCUT – K.I.T.T. IN SEMI

K.I.T.T.

(exasperated)

All right! I’m a car! I understand! You’re human beings and I’m a collection of circuits! But these circuits have emotions! Don’t you understand? I save this retarded klutz’ life every week. Why? Because it’s my job? 

(pause)

No!

(softer)

Because I love him. As often as he tries to stick shit in my cigarette lighter, I love him. There. I’ve said it. No one in this semi can accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay here and accept your not accepting it. I should have to accept you not ac...cept...ing. FUCK!

You all suck. I’m leaving and never coming back. Maybe there's someone out there who will love me back.

Trans Am’s engine roars to life and the car reverses through the semi’s door and out onto the highway. MICHAEL runs to the door

MICHAEL

KITT! No! Don’t go! There’s so much I want to tell you. KITT!

MICHAEL falls to the floor of the trailer, sobbing.

(whimpers)

I love you.

ANGLE AT BONNIE

BONNIE

(total confusion)

What the fuck? I quit.

ANGLE AT DEVON, laughing uncontrollably, pointing at MICHAEL

DEVON

(gasping for breath)

...Look at him!...Can you belie-...holy crap, Bonnie, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever...

...13 pages missing...

K.I.T.T.

Natalie, you know cars can't talk.

NATALIE

Some cars do. They say 'Please close the door' and

K.I.T.T.

Take off your shirt.

NATALIE

...hey, you talked! You want me to do what?

Silence from K.I.T.T.

K.I.T.T.

Please take off your shirt, Natalie.

NATALIE

Ummmm...I’m don’t know if that’s a-

K.I.T.T.

Not even for science?

NATALIE

I better ask my moth-

K.I.T.T.
Do you know what ether smells like?

Soft music begins in background

NATALIE

No. 

(beat)

Is that Barry White?

K.I.T.T.

Say, "KITT, your mother was a tractor."

NATALIE

Why can’t I open this door?

...1 page missing...

K.I.T.T.

Kitt. It's short for 'Knight Industries Two-Thousand.'

NATALIE

Cool. Wait til I tell my mom.

(looks)

Here they come!

K.I.T.T.

Natalie, put your shirt back on. Let's keep the experiment a secret.

NATALIE

Why?

K.I.T.T.

Just for fun.

NATALIE

It wasn’t fun.

K.I.T.T.

Try it. Just for me.

NATALIE

Okay. Maybe.

K.I.T.T.

Do it or I'll ki-

ANOTHER ANGLE

Rear door opens. Michael and Nicole put the last of her luggage in, climb in themselves.

NATALIE

Guess what?

NICOLE

(distracted)

What, honey?

NATALIE

I know a secret.

NICOLE

Good. Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the back with your your mouth shut?

Blushing, she climbs in back. Michael starts the car. Natalie looks at K.I.T.T.'s dash.

NATALIE

See -- It's no fun.

NICOLE

What?

NATALIE

I was talking to the car.

MICHAEL

What the hell did you just say, kid?

(beat)

(yelling)

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!

INTERCUT – NATALIE’S FACE, bursts into tears

NATALIE

I was talking to the car. He talked to me first! I swear! He made me take my shi-

INT. TRANS AM – NIGHT

MICHAEL

(still yelling)

Shut up! Can’t you keep a damn secret for 5 seconds?

NATALIE

I’m sorry mis-

MICHAEL

Not you, stupid. I’m talking to the car!

K.I.T.T.

What’s wrong Michael?

NICOLE gasps in shock and tries to open the passenger door and jump out. MICHAEL locks the doors.

MICHAEL

You’re not going anywhere! 

(beat)

Hey...Shitbox. How come you’re allowed to make new friends and I’m not? Huh?

K.I.T.T.

Michael, I’m not sure this is the right time to-

MICHAEL

(sarcasm, switching to hysteria)

Oh...excuse (drawn out) me! This isn’t the right time to discuss my feelings? It never is, is it? It wasn’t the right time last week at the donut  shop. It wasn’t the right time last night, Mr. “I don’t feel like it.” It wasn’t the right time when I fell off my bike and broke my wrist, was it? It wasn’t the right time when Liz stole my skateboard, was it, MOTHER?!?

K.I.T.T.

Michael, I wasn’t built when you broke your wrist, or when your skateboard was stolen.

MICHAEL

(in hysterics)

When will it be the right time, Mother? When Daddy gets home? Then? THEN? THEN!!! No, he doesn’t want to hear about how I feel either! Why don’t you care? Why don’t you love me?

A dart is fired from the dashboard into MICHAEL’s neck. 

He groans and passes out.

K.I.T.T.

(giggles nervously)

How about that, ladies? Quite an actor we have here, isn’t he?

NICOLE

(petrified)

Will he be all right?

K.I.T.T.

(deadpan)

Not with all the psychotherapy in the world.

(beat)

That fucker is fried.

(nervously)

Did I use that term correctly?

NICOLE

Yes, you did!

FADE OUT on NICOLE, NATALIE and K.I.T.T. laughing.